All you had to do was ask

June 1, 2011


Asking for help is weak. Maybe it’s part of my introversion or my tendency toward independence. Or growing up being told that whatever problem you have – if you were dumb enough not to have anticipated it – you certainly should be smart enough to solve it on your own.

Handling everything, always, all by yourself is strong and smart and masculine (hence, more desirable). You don’t need a community. They will demand and drag you down. Don’t share. Keep for yourself and to yourself.

Well, that’s all WRONG.

Asking for help is not weak; it’s strengthening. Giving help to someone fortifies your bond with that person. Receiving help opens you up. Makes you vulnerable. Requires you to show a real part of yourself. That you are part of a community together. That you need to be part of it. That you want to be part of it.

It shows trust. It shows you believe in the person whose help you seek. You know she is up to the task. Maybe she didn’t think she was. But then you said she is. Maybe she buys you oranges and lemons and Pellegrino because she’s afraid it’s not enough. But it’s like a dream. You can breathe because someone else is taking it on. And the amount of relief, the amount of weight lifted is so much greater than you imagined. You could have carried the burden and it would have been heavy. But somehow the help, the kindness, the generosity from someone else lightened you even more.

And your relationship is forever changed. All you did was ask and she said yes. Now you know her a little more and she knows you. You know more about how she feels about you. The place you hold in her heart. And she knows how you think of her – as someone strong and capable and trustworthy. And all you had to do was ask.


Image: Denis Collette

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2 Comments on “All you had to do was ask”

  1. Melody Says:

    Such an excellent reminder. Thanks much…


  2. Nick Says:

    You share well, thanks.


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