Misunderstood bob

June 30, 2011

Authenticity

Today’s post is for the #Trust30 30-day writing challenge. Read more about it here. I wrote this piece several months ago but never shared it. I guess it was waiting for today’s challenge.

How much time should I spend fixing the stick-outy part of my hair? There’s this one spot in the back left quadrant. I can’t really see it but I can feel it and I know it’s there. I have an almost-perfect bob, except for this rogue, rebellious piece. I use the brush, the dryer, the flat iron. I get frustrated and sweaty. My dog looks at me, “How long is this going to take?” This spot, and my need to control it, cause me anger, anxiety, frustration and lateness. And no matter how hard I try, how much time I spend, it’s never quite right.

Every day I do this. Why?

I need people to see me in a certain way. In the lingo of The Anatomy of Peace, I am in a “must-be-seen-as” box. (Read the book. A little cheesy but great.) I must be seen as someone who has it all together. It’s the same reason my clean sheets stay wadded up in the dryer for a week, then I fluff them up and fold them neatly the night before the housekeeper comes.

Do I actually have it all together? Uhh, no. Could I be spending this energy to make myself better in some real way??

The worst part is, I don’t want to spend time on my hair. I dread it. The cost-benefit ratio is out of whack. There are lots of other things I want to be doing. Books to read. Art projects to tackle. Courses to attend. Cocktail parties to host.

What would happen if I didn’t fix it? It would stick out. Everyone would see it. All sort of bent and flipped up and twisty. What would that mean?

Oh, look at her. How sad. She’s given up.

Oh, look at her. She doesn’t even have the skills to style her own hair.

Oh, look at her. She obviously doesn’t know you can’t be successful without a perfect coif.

How about: Oh, look at her! She is energetic and interesting. She looks easy-going and approachable. She is others-focused and has a lot to give because she spends her time reading and learning and interacting and does not spend 30 minutes in front of the mirror every morning obsessing over a fucking stick-outy piece of hair!

Tomorrow, I will try to fix it a little less. And the next day, a little less. If you see me, check out the back left quadrant. Is it a little twisty and flippy? I’m showing the world that I am so much more than a perfect bob.

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Image: laihui

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One Comment on “Misunderstood bob”

  1. SandySays1 Says:

    You worried me there for a while, but you finally got to MM’s line to live by, “Frankly, my dear I don’t give a damn.” As for my fur, it’s always perfect…except when I run through the burrs, or lay in the mud. or swim in the canal, or roll in the road kill, or…..
    Sandy
    http://www.sandysays1.wordpress.com

    Reply

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